NYC, cosmos, and Gary

@TheGaryClubBy now most women (and a good chunk of men, although some might not admit it) have watched as Carrie, Samantha, Charlotte and Miranda navigated love, life, and everything in between. They all had a fair share of men in their lives, some memorable (hello Aidan), and some we want to erase from memory (goodbye Berger). Let’s examine a few to see if they were Gary Club potential.

Harry. I would definitely say Harry was a Gary. Charlotte might have needed some time to realize this (sometimes it’s not obvious right away) but when she did, she finally found what she spent two decades looking for. But Harry was no push-over, as was evident when he broke up with her when she freaked out about all she was doing to convert to Judaism and his apparent lack of appreciativeness. Remember, being a Gary does not mean giving into everything your significant other wants and silencing yourself when you should be using your words. Harry knew when to speak up and when to let his wife do the speaking. Harry was in.

Aidan. I’m going to take the position Aidan was in. But just because he was in, doesn’t mean Carrie had to stay with him. You are allowed to say no to a Gary. Aidan was easy going, funny, let Carrie be who she was, and cared enough about her to take her back after she cheated on him with Big. Heck, he even wanted to marry her. But Carrie wasn’t into it. Tears came to my eyes when they broke up for good after the Black and White Ball. I loved Aidan. But Carrie was convinced she was missing the bride gene. Turns out she wasn’t missing the bride gene; she was missing being the bride of the right Gary.

Steve. Steve was so in. It might have taken Miranda a really long time to realize he was what she needed, but that’s okay. Steve knew from the get-go Miranda was for him. But she needed time and jealousy (she never did like it when Steve had a new girlfriend) before her grand revelation came to light. Steve was able to put up with Miranda’s harsh words and closed-off façade, her bossiness, and the fact she was more successful and better off financially. That can be a hard pill to swallow for some men. But not Gary Club member Steve.

Berger. I absolutely hated Berger. He was whiny. He was childish (double middle finger to his ex’s message on his machine, anyone?). He was a wimp who thought it was acceptable to break up with people on Post-It notes. He was jealous of Carrie’s success. Tried as he might, Berger was not going to change into the man – the Gary – Carrie needed. She was never going to find true happiness with him. He needed to get on his motorcycle and keep riding.

Jerry. Jerry was so Samantha’s Gary. He obliged her every wish in the bedroom, he took her career advice (and even changed his name at her suggestion), and he allowed her to be boss. But he wasn’t a doormat. He didn’t back off in that one memorable scene when she was trying to avoid holding his hand. Jerry was the first man Samantha allowed to really see who she was on the inside, which was no easy task, considering how tightly she guarded against showing emotional attachment. She stuck with Jerry until she had to be true to herself and be free, but at least she chose a Gary to spend those monogamous (save for a quickie with Richard at the Teen Posse party) years with.

Big. I used to struggle with this. I think it’s because he started out not being Carrie’s Gary, but then turned into one. So it’s hard for me to forget the beginning and focus on the end. BUT, having said that, I need to remind myself of an important point I will mention in a future blog post: if he’s not your Gary now, he might be your Gary later. Big was definitely not a Gary when the series first started. At the time, it seemed like Big was such an ass. But looking back, was he really? Sure, he cared for Carrie. But he made it clear about who he was and what he was – and wasn’t – looking for. Can we really fault him for being honest? As the series moved on, Big started to change. We began to see just what Carrie meant to him, and how far he was willing to go (to Paris) to show it. He needed time to turn into Carrie’s Gary. And lucky for Big, Carrie’s heart still belonged to him. Big is an excellent example of how timing and being on the same page at the same time can have you go from weary to Gary.

Agree? Disagree? I want to hear from you! Please comment, share this blog, and follow me on Twitter @TheGaryClub

The Gary Club: you’re either IN or you’re OUT.