I’m not the only one who has a Gary. And I’m not the only one who has found themselves in relationships with those who didn’t make the cut. I have heard many, many stories full of frustration and frowns, and many, many stories full of happiness and hallelujahs (hallelujahs more on my end, because this meant whoever had finally found a Gary was actually happy, and I always want those in my life to be happy).
There was the friend who I was initially convinced was with a Gary but later realized I was very wrong. I was focused on the fact they had what appeared to be a cosmic connection and seemed made for each other. Perhaps that was the case in the very beginning of their relationship, but as time went on, it became clear a Gary he was not. He held grudges, guiltily punished her endlessly for things he claimed to forgive, and didn’t seem willing to change his behaviour. So after many years of trying to make things work, they eventually parted ways. I was initially sad about this, but then happy my friend didn’t waste any more time trying to make it work with a Gary who was no longer. Remember, someone can start out as a Gary and then find themselves out of the Club. And it’s up to the person they are with to decide to stick it out or call it quits. If the person who was Gary no longer resembles Club material, and there is virtually no hope of re-entering the Club, that person no longer represents true happiness. And if true happiness is what you’re after relationship wise, well, by now you know what to do. FYI, my friend is now with a Gary Club member and although they don’t have that cosmic connection, her Gary is much better for her mental health and well-being versus the ex-Gary.
Then there is the person I know who seemed, to the outside world, to have found a Gary. Everyone loved this guy and marveled how my friend found such a great catch and was so lucky and everyone was so jealous. It was true he respected her, wasn’t jealous or possessive, and didn’t care if she chose to spend time with friends over him. Even she said he was perfect – except her romantic feelings towards him had faded, with no hope of ever returning, which is kind of a problem when you are dating someone. She wasn’t happy. She was bitter. She thought maybe she should just suck it up and stay with him, because she was convinced she wouldn’t find someone as awesome as him. She thought she should just continue to live a lie with no end in sight. Fortunately, he pulled the plug on their union before they had the chance to enter into The Big Union. She has since found a Gary and the exhaustion and stress has been replaced by elation and smiles, both of which had been missing from her life for years. This goes to show that someone can start off as a Gary, and it’s not always he who changes. Sometimes it’s their significant other who has a change of heart, and that’s allowed.
A friend of mine can’t seem to catch a break when it comes to love, and love is exactly what she seeks. She has dated countless guys, some lasting one date, some turning into something serious. Nothing has worked out. From what she has told me, I would say none of these guys were Garys, despite really wishing some of them were. Does she just happen to chronically choose the wrong guys, without putting much thought into compatibility because she so very much wants to be with someone? Or could some of these guys have Gary potential, but she’s doing something to turn them off? How much of a role is she playing in her own love demise? If she’s hoping to make it work with just anyone, she is going to be eternally disappointed. If she doesn’t recognize who is a Gary and who isn’t, and doesn’t have the strength or desire to cut them loose, she will never find true love. If she continues to repeat the same pattern over and over (remember what Einstein said?), she will be repeating the same stories over and over, just replacing names. And in the meantime, a Gary might be passing her by.
Can you relate? I want to hear all about it!
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The Gary Club: you’re either IN or you’re OUT.