Like quitting smoking, drugs, and other bad habits, you need to be ready – really ready – when it comes to finding Gary.
This is not something you can lie to yourself about and expect things to work. So if that means saying these words out loud to yourself and others – “I’m not interested in anything serious right now” – do it. Repeatedly. Over and over and over again. Because like taking that last drag or last shot or last line of coke, you need to be ready for a meaningful relationship. This is something you need to be very mindful of. This is why it’s imperative not to pretend you’re good to go. Because if you’re not there 100 per cent mentally, you will sabotage getting with potential Garys. That’s right. The very thing you want more than anything when it comes to love is already doomed from before you even meet PG (Potential Gary).
As I mentioned in my blog To All The Garys …, I took a full year (your time frame could be different) after breaking off a six year relationship to even consider something serious. I knew I wasn’t interested in meeting PGs before then. I was upfront with myself and luckily no one gave me a hard time about being single (they probably know better). Plus, I don’t believe in letting anyone tell me how to live my life, just like it’s none of my business what others do with theirs. Do what makes YOU happy. Always. And don’t feel the need to explain or defend yourself either.
Ok I’m going off topic. It happens.
So after those 12 months passed, it was time to get on the Gary bandwagon. Because I was ready. Just like you need to be ready when it comes to finding Gary. Because if you’re not, this is what will happen if you lie:
You meet a PG and hit it off swimmingly. You talk, text, hang out, the usual. You can’t truly find anything to complain about. But then your mind starts wandering. And wandering leads to thoughts about why you really aren’t ready to be in this situation. So either you end things amicably (bonus points if you come clean about why you are saying goodbye) or become that person who ghosts, or you do something that causes him to think you’re a douche bag (like ghosting. Or just being a douche bag in other ways). And do you want this super awesome guy to think this way of you? Especially because you really aren’t a douche bag? No. And then when you really are ready for PG, you’ll yearn for this very guy who might be long gone. So do yourself a favour and be authentic. You’re ready self will thank you.
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The Gary Club: you’re either IN or you’re OUT.