I have purposely avoided telling you what qualities Gary should possess. After all, we’re all different and need different things in a life mate. I still stand by this rule and always will. But there is one thing I feel compelled to state, loud and clear, and it’s this: if you feel your significant other is a Gary because the main thing, or number one thing, you have is a strong connection, you might want to hold off on that holy label.
Here’s the thing. There is absolutely nothing wrong with having the mother of all connections, or even on a smaller level. People cry when they think they’ve found it, and cry when they’re yearning for it. But a connection can only go so far, and will likely not sustain a relationship for the long haul.
Now, check-marking the connection box along with putting a tick beside almost everything else on the pros side of the list you made for PG (Potential Gary) is a great thing, and things very well might work out. But if the star of the show is the connection, and other boxes on the pros list remain unchecked or has very hesitant markings, you might want to rethink naming him Gary. A connection alone does not a Gary make. Sad, I know.
A friend of mine had a crazy connection with her ex. I was in awe of their passion, their sexual chemistry, their need for each other. I knew they had issues, but I thought with a connection that strong, they could withstand anything. Yes, one of them might have had a penchant for saying mean things after having too much to drink – but the connection! Yes, one liked to play gut-wrenching mind games after fights for days on end – but the connection! It was only after they had broken up did I realize a connection was the only thing holding them together.
I now realize there is more – way, way more – to making your relationship stick like glue (or peanut butter. I love peanut butter) than a connection, no matter how strong it is. Even if a connection is the number one thing you’re looking for in a Gary, I suggest paying attention to the other boxes on your pros list to see how many are also checked off.
Cosmic connections might initially have sizzle, but there needs to be more to avoid fizzle.
Agree? Disagree? I want to hear from you! Please comment, like, and share this blog, and don’t forget to follow me @thegaryclub.
The Gary Club: you’re either IN or you’re OUT.